If you’d like me to read it to you press this
Do I need a doctor?
Do I need a shrink?
Do I need some tablets
to tell me how to think?
Perhaps it’s a clairvoiant
or perhaps a nice massaaaage
Perhaps I’ll try out yoga
or begin some grand barraaaaage
Or maybe I’ll get cucumbers
placed apon my eyes
Or maybe buy some brand new shoes
Or tighten up my thighs
Perhaps I’ll find some earplugs
to quieten down the sound
Or maybe take some vitamins
and hope that I might bound…
…right off the walls, and from the chandeliers
maybe, I will swing
in my bestest underpants
maybe I will sing!
SNAP OUT OF IT AND PUT THE MUVA-FLUP’N CLOTHES AWAY
And so I did and in my travels came across an envelope in my bedside table…
and in it was a hundred bucks
It felt like winnining lotto
The money- it was mine
it wouldn’t pay the bills today
it wouldn’t buy the wine
It turned up on my birthday
with the strictest of instructions
the rules were clearly stated, they said
DON’T spend on those munchkins
My brain it rattled round and round
So what is it I need?
Perhaps alternate therapies?
Perhaps a darn good feed?
Then on it went, the lightbulb came
I had my grand idea
I’d leave the kids with someone else
and head off to IKEA
I wondered round their glossy paths
just dripping with design
It was the weirdest feeling
not to have to rush for time
It really was magnificent
A full 2 hours of bliss
For once, the sound of yelling
wasn’t coming from my kids
I bought myself new pillows
and some shelves to line the walls
I found a christmas angel
and some frames for up the hall
I came home with all kinds of stuff
I really didn’t need
But blatantly I did consume
with no guilt to concede
If someone had’ve told me
that in times of future plight
my mental instability
would alter on the site…
…of a blue and yellow warehouse
full of coloured Swedish things
2 hours of singular delight
would iron out all the dings
I would have run off screaming
Put myself straight on a plane
Or climbed the highest mountain
to escape the great inane
hang on a sec, that really is
precisely what I did
But then my heart, it ached for home
and then I had my kid
She introduced me to a life
of sweetened pink and love
She asks me “how blue is the sky?”
She is my turtle dove
So now I take a breath and know
that when the walls draw near
Cheap therapy, it can be found
in napkins from IKEA
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